Panda Thoughts

Pandas. What's not to like?

Well I'll tell you. Pandas love human flesh. It's not a well known fact, but if you're someone who really wants to know the truth you'll have to hack the Beijing Central Records Bureau's server and search under the term "man-eating pandas"(remembering to put the term in quotes thus in order to instruct the search engine to consider the exact words, as well as translating them to Modern Mandarin). This search will return roughly 35,000 entries, detailing over 27,500 separate panda attacks that ended in human fatalities. In most cases bamboo wasn't even a factor.

Another fact you may not be aware of is that the panda's distinctive colouring is by no means an evolutionary accident. 2132  of the fatal panda attacks (Code 50Ps) that occurred in China in the last decade took place on or in the close vicinity of a pedestrian crossing.

Think about this the next time you're crossing a road in downtown Siam, and consider wearing kevlar smothered with olbas oil. Pandas hate that.