Sticks

I have no idea who invented sticks, but whoever it is should probably get some kind of award. They have so many uses, pretty much always smell good, and - if you catch them at just the right stage of desiccation - they make an almost savoury snapping sound that gives you the kind of satisfaction you feel in both your brain and gametes.

The technical term for someone who collects sticks is a "Virgalatilist". The largest stick collection in the world is owned by Mrs. Phyllis VonBeulau of Tyson, Massachusetts and comprises almost 43,000 sticks, twigs and sub-branches from almost every country on Earth (excluding the Phillipines and Papua New Guinea where stick-collection is still a criminal offense punishable by a moist slap). The prize of the collection is a fragment of the stick purportedly used by Charlton Heston in his role as Moses of the Christian Bible and used to part the Red Sea in the 1958 movie "Hannah and Her Sisters". Also housed within the collection of several small poles owned by Bobby Darin, and King George the First's favourite staff poking staff.

Stick collection is a wonderful hobby to encourage children to consider, as long as they have been properly immunised against diseases of the hand and fingertip, and are largely resistance to ridicule.